Sunday, December 25, 2005

Another Trip Around the Sun? Done.

So I’m sitting here thinking that I wanted to snail-mail out a Holiday Newsletter telling all my friends and family what I’ve done over the past year, maybe include a nice picture of me from some occasion I thought memorable. Then I thought to myself, “I’m way too lazy to do something like that and I can’t afford to take time away from building an award-winning, gingerbread nativity scene.” (Putting the Reeses Pieces eyes on baby Jesus takes, like, forever) So instead, I’m posting something on the blog. Yep… you can’t get more lame than an annual Wuzzzup-Blog-Posting now can you? No you can’t.

But there is an inherent problem in writing any on the WWW; there is no way to show emotion of any kind. Right now I could be loving or sarcastic, I could be joyous, I might be watching a Tim Allen movie, or I could have a fork shoved into my eye socket… you don’t know. And that is because the World Wide Web is a cold, emotionless, dispassionate, poker-faced tool of communication that can never be trusted. And I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does the Web live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?

These troublesome questions have plagued the Internet since its inception, to say nothing of all the phreakers using their 28.8-baud modems to hack the Pentagon with their Prodigy accounts. Bah-humbug.

So, why even bother with a personalized e-newsletter? Really I’m not sure. And where is all this going? I’m even less sure. But as a constantly persecuted minority in this nation (white, male, Christian… can’t a brother get a break pa-leeez!) what I do know is that I’m a giver. I’m not the guy to talk about me-me-me at the end of every year. I’m humble. I’m modest and I promise to give 110% to this e-newsletter. I do it for the fans and no one is more prepared to write this than me. I’ve been training, watching videos and studying tactics to lead this e-newsletter writing team to victory! And there is no I in team people… unless you’re speaking Spanish; equipo! But then “I” would be “yo” and it still wouldn’t work. Darned semantics.

Anyway, what I’m trying to convey here is that I had a pretty good year. And by “good” I mean “outstanding”! Minus a couple chunks of “awesome” and sprinkle on a pinch “rockin”. Now that is one mighty fine annual-fruit-loaf. I started the year in January and decided to mix things up with a short-monthed February. March and April blew but May was totally metal. June was not what I was expecting at all and because of it I overslept through July but felt perky for the late night festivities in August. September was a drop in the bucket to all the different events titled October-fest. And November never felt so Novembery. December is what it is and that brings me to today. One more full trip around the sun, a couple of crow’s feet around the eyes, a few more grey hairs, and one step closer to having removable teeth.

Wishing you all smiles and an awesome 2006!

And be sure to hit the title link on this post. Fuh-knee!

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